Incipient

Ever since after the camp and reading mind-provoking books,I have been looking around me and observing my surroundings. I did alot of reflecting these few days, back when I was like in kindergarden. I can say affirmatively that I really changed alot. There's some kind of emptiness in me that can't be filled. And after the camp, with all the PAW, BS and QT, I realised that it's really time for me to reconnect with God and join a church. But the bottom line is NO WAY am I going back to that church laying on that particular MacPherson Road or whatever.

ShiMin was right about BFFs and all. I still remembered the good old primary school days, where having a book for "friends" to write their bio-datas in it and at the friends list, it will go:

Diamonds:
Rubies:
Sapphires:

OR

Gold:
Silver:
Bronze:

You get the idea. And it was not the oh-I-want-to-keep-in-touch-with-you reason but the I need to affirm that I have a standing in your heart especially of the highest order. I was one of those girls. And now when I look back, my reaction was like omg. I can't believe I was THAT shallow and lame and retarded and real stupid to do that.Yeah, my self-esteem was THAT low then.

I think I had 2 or 3 of such books but it's like stashed away or thrown out already. I grew more confident of myself as I grew older and matured. Life always has it trials and tribulations.

I was backstabbed many times, betrayed just when I thought I finally found a true friend. Come to think of it, primary school life was a bitch. No wonder I have little affection of it apart from PCSMB. The teachers there aren't any better.

Those students strutting about with those red ties on their necks, standing out from those who didn't have: the bootlickers. HA. Prefects. Honestly, prefects are just BAH! It's stupid. Talk about LEADERHSHIP and grooming or whatsoever but really. The teachers don't give a damn about leadership. Once you make a mistake, even if it's a small one, it's like you murdered someone, forever condemned. And some of the prefects. You should have seen them, snivelling at the teachers' feet, agreeing their every word, practically like dogs flanked at their side.

Now, even when I looked around me, I see hypocrisy. I see the inevitable backstabs and betrayals that is bound to come sooner or later just to get one step above you. That's the ugly side of humans. Pretending to be all so friendly with you but behind your back, can't stop bitching and whining about you.

I also noticed how when a person hates a particular someone, that particular someone actually has the same flaws as the hater. In short, it's hating yourself.

Humans are really complex creatures.

And seriously, anyone shouldn't be so petty.YOU started the joke. So get over with it with and your ego. Seriously.