Incipient

Someone I lost and trying to build back the relationship we had once now yesterday asked me this question: How's life.

Good question.

I gave back a neutral answer which is "basically, I hang out with the same ppl, dislike the same ppl." but then when I woke up this morning, this question was stuck in my head and somehow, I mulled over this question for the whole day.

I like to make first impressions of others (okay, it's more of a habit for me) and I'm always trying to figure what others are thinking and the motives behind the actions. I was proven correct countless of times and wrong countless of times. Have I always been thinking too much, worrying too much and trying to figure things too much?

Frankly, life isn't a breeze for me these few days. I always feel confused, bewildered, angry, annoyed, sad and all the negative feelings before I sleep. Perhaps it's been a long time that I've been feeling this way that I'm immune to it to suffer from insomnia. Or I'm just really too tired. There's always something that happened everyday that made me real upset or lost. and the sad thing is? I think I'm the one blowing the matter out of proportion by reading too much into it. But I can't just dismiss it. I've been disappointed too many times.

Life. Weirdly, this week, many people kept bringing up this word and my bio and chinese assignments also have define life or what is life to you questions.

To me, life is like a book. A long long book with many chapters, with much conflicts and contradictions. And no matter how much you try to hide your feelings, this book is really the one true thing that you can be 100% true, honest with. The rest, including yourself, it's really easy to delude and lie to. And, just like any other book, after a while, you'll have a writer block. Well, I'm going through that phase now.

You know my neutral answer? Now come to think of it, the answer was correct. Everything on the outside of me is the same, but everything on the inner side of me, the deeper side is different. It's something that I can't use words to describe.

I was on the phone with Gemonn not too long ago, and I realised the topic we were talking about really resonated deep down my soul. Like what I told him, I really hope they won't be screwed. And that life is so full of it, that I feel it's retarding our growth, in society, in studies, in well, life. (well, that was general)

I'm not being pessimistic or emo or whatsoever, I'm just being realistic about the situation we're facing. Honestly, I have a bad premonition on the next chapter of my life,

I dare not put too much hope, and I dare not think about it anymore. It seems out of reach to me, and it already belongs to someone else. I must stop my hankering, cause with desires, come disappointment. That's a lesson learnt from a valuable lesson years back

P/S I don't want to wake that early to go for math tuition tmr. WHO WAKES @ 7 ON A SUNDAY MORNING!? Besides church. And I'm having real obvious eye bags. damn