Saturday, July 3, 2010 , 7/03/2010 02:42:00 PM

⇨repetitve life

A brand new future ahead, a not-so-glorious past left behind, and a whole pile of stuff needed to be cleared asap relating to school assignments and self-study materials.

To sum it all up, secondary 3 life for me has so far been mundane, embarassing, down, empty, meaningless and worst of all, repetitive.

Over and over again, I met the same kind of trouble, same kind of crap that made me down, and sad.
Time and time again, I overcame it.. and faced them again.

Yet I'm still breathing. Amazing, eh.

It's a long weekend, so I could use this time to recharge my batteries. I can't believe this, but I really dread school so much I can't recall when I hated going to school so much.

I was talking to XinJie yesterday, on our way back from exchange, about well, life.
And something hit me.

Why I feel so unhappy now, so aimless was because my life's like a routine.

Everyday when I wake up, I subconsciously know what's going to happen:
let my alarm snooze for 10 mins
wake up and go to school
sit at my seat and rush out homework or talk to Abi/Gemonn about depressing stuff
blank out during morning assembly
get ready for classes and stare at the teacher rambling on and on
and not getting anything in your head, feeling stupid compared to your classmates who seem to understand every single word the teacher's talking about especially when it concerns math.
you always seem to be the one lagging behind in this race, and my stamina sucks

Sometimes, self-delusion is the best way to face your problems, cause you draw strength from it

But I no longer to even have strength to delude myself, let alone drawing strength within myself.
It will really feel good to draw strength from someone else.

Outing @ Marina Barrage cum TCC the other day with rotten&horrible triggered many memories and reflections and emotions in me.

I dread life now, someone give me a new life.

If only I could really float around like a helium balloon, so carefree.